When Does a Fantasy Become Harmful?

Although I love video games and although I love Greek mythology, the God of War series never really crossed my path until recently. Now, I still haven’t played it, so I can’t say anything about the quality of the game or the plot or anything like that. All that I’ve seen is one scene, but as this scene wasn’t overly complicated or difficult to interpret, I feel fairly confident discussing at least it.

In God of War 3, your protagonist Kratos – a Spartan demigod with more muscles than Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime – enters into Aphrodite’s chambers (Aphrodite, for those of you who aren’t aware, being the Greek goddess of love and sexuality). He finds her almost naked, laying in a bed with her handmaidens and having some sexy-fun-time with them (because lesbians). Upon seeing Kratos, Aphrodite banishes her sexy handmaidens to the other side of the room so that she can have a conversation with him, during which she is lounging out on the bed, rolling around, and very clearly trying to seduce Kratos (because boobs). After the conversation is over, the player then has the option to give into Aphrodite’s seduction. If the player does this, we see Kratos descend upon the bed, before the camera pans off of them and onto Aphrodite’s handmaidens across the room, who then proceed to watch the bed and swoon and sigh over Kratos’s supposedly exceptional lovemaking, making comments about how jealous they are of their mistress while simultaneously groping each other.

Now, the critiques of this scene are obvious. It is both objectifying to women and fetishizing bisexual women. But that being said, I can already hear the defence against this critique: that it isn’t supposed to be taken at face value. It’s all a fantasy, intended to make Kratos look like the manliest manly man that ever lived, not only exceptional at fighting and looking awesome, but also at pleasing the ladies.

And trust me, I get that argument. I love fantasies in the media. In fact, some of my favourite story lines are power fantasies, intended to make the viewer feel like they are strong and capable by making you relate to the all-powerful, impossibly strong hero. Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, these are all power fantasies.

But at the same time, they are different from what we see happening in the scene from God of War 3.

The thing about Spider-Man that makes him and his story arch very different from this scene is, well, content. Spider-Man is awesome because he fights crime, he has super powers, he looks like an average teenager but is actually secretly awesome. And at the same time, Spider-Man is awesome in a way that most young people know isn’t real. When it comes to things like superheroes, parents tend to be quick to remind their kids that, yes, Spider-Man is awesome, but in real life, people don’t have super powers and they don’t fight crime in quite the same way. When it comes to discussions of sexuality, parents don’t tend to be quite so quick to talk to their children.

When I saw this scene from God of War 3, the first thing that it reminded me of was… well, pornography. Not because it foregrounded sexuality, but because of how unrealistically it depicted sexuality. Let’s all just agree: Aphrodite did not act like a real woman would. Neither does she or Kratos look the way that the average man or woman does; they are both idealized versions of what society thinks their gender should look like. And nobody in the history of the universe has made comments like the ones that the handmaidens made about Kratos’s lovemaking. This is all fake, and it is fake with the intention of pandering to the man and his ego, while most pornography is similarly made with a male viewer in mind.

And for many children in the western world, pornography is their introduction to sexuality. According to a report made by the BBC in 2016, 53% of children aged eleven to sixteen have seen pornography online, and of these children, 53% of boys and 39% of girls saw it as a realistic depiction of sex. And, look – I’m not trying to shame you if you watch pornography, all that I am saying is that pornography is not only unrealistic, it is centred around catering to a male gaze and a male ego. Like this scene from God of War 3, it is a fantasy, but when no one is talking to young people about this topic or offering them an alternative way of looking at it, it becomes easier to accept it as truth.

To put it in perspective, it would sort of be like if every single movie made for young boys was Spider-Man, and every single young boy knew that super powers existed, but they weren’t allowed to see it or talk about or hear about it ever; after a while, they’d start to question why they don’t have web-swinging powers, and why some girls look and act differently from Mary Jane.

But let’s talk about another issue that this scene discusses; female bisexuality. Like sex, bisexuality isn’t really talked about or represented in our media. The only bisexual characters that I can think of off the top of my head in mainstream media is Maureen Johnson from Rent and Piper Chapman from Orange is the New Black (both of whom are despicable human beings, but anyway…). In fact, probably the greatest representation of female bisexuality is, again, in pornography, meaning that you are more likely to see bisexual women having sex in our media than you are to see them going about their day or doing their jobs or anything like that.

But let’s go back to the scene from God of War 3, and let’s talk about the issue of desire here. Because, yes, Aphrodite starts out making out with her handmaidens, and yes, when Kratos is in bed with Aphrodite, the handmaidens are groping each other. But throughout all of this, the primary object of their desire is always Kratos, a man. Aphrodite sends her handmaidens away so that she can seduce Kratos instead. When the handmaidens are groping each other, their eyes are constantly on Kratos and they are going on about how hot he is. In fact, I am almost hesitant to describe them as bisexual, because outside of a few small sexual acts, they express nearly no desire for women; it always goes back to the man. And I have absolutely no doubt that the reason why the animators included these small sexual acts into the game was not because they wanted to represent Aphrodite as a strong, bisexual woman, but because they thought that it would be a nice treat for the presumed straight male player to see.

As I discussed before, this scene is harmful toward women in general because it perpetuates these unrealistic expectations that men have about how women should look and how they should behave sexually. But in some ways, it is almost more harmful toward bisexual women, because it perpetuates a very harmful stereotype that we all live with from the moment we come out of the closet: that we aren’t actually bisexual, we’re just trying to get attention from men.

This stereotype is one that hinges on dismissing the existence of bisexual women (and bisexual people in general). It portrays them, not as their own sexual orientation, but as promiscuous straight women – and as much as it is not okay to treat women differently depending on how many sexual partners they have had, it is an unfortunate fact in our society that that frequently happens, and it happens to bisexual women from the moment that we come out of the closet. Because of this stereotype, bisexual women are frequently dismissed, by straight men and lesbians alike, as ‘dirty’, a good, quick fuck but not actually worthy of love. Because of this stereotype, bisexual women are seen as ‘owing’ sex to men, because they obviously went to all the work of seducing them by being bisexual, and as a result, 61.1% of bisexual women are raped by an intimate partner, while 46% of bisexual women report being raped at any point in their lives, compared to 17% of straight women and 13% of lesbians. And don’t even get me started on the emotional side-effects of being consistently told, by both straight people and the LGBT community, that you aren’t enough, you’re too dirty, too promiscuous, to be accepted.

But, hey, maybe this stereotype would be less frequently relied upon if our media would just give us alternative representations of bisexuality.

So to sum this all up: when is a fantasy harmful? Well, my answer would be that a fantasy becomes harmful when it’s the only narrative we’re given. Sex is nothing like the way that it is represented in either pornography or God of War 3, but you wouldn’t exactly know that as an inexperienced young person who knows that sex exists but has never seen it for themselves, because the vast majority of our depictions of sex come through a heavy lens of fantasy, and a very male-oriented fantasy at that, resulting in some unhealthy ideas of what sex is and what women in sexual situations should be. And actual bisexual women are not lounging in their beds, making out with their handmaidens until a man shows up to sex them up properly, but if that’s the only image of bisexual women that we are given, then how are we ever going to know that?

So maybe my issue is less with God of War 3, which is nothing more than a stupid fantasy for young straight boys who like the idea of being a super powerful, super masculine lady-pleaser, and more with a society that doesn’t really give us much else than that. Where are my depictions of sex from a woman’s perspective? My bisexual women who don’t care if a man shows up or not, they’re perfectly satisfied with the woman they’ve got right here? If we had more of those, not only would this scene be much less harmful, it would be easier to recognize it as silly and unrealistic by comparison.


10 Everyday, Simple Pleasures

1. Eating delicious food

Whether your taste is pizza, ice cream, or salad – I think we can all agree that those first few bites of something we love are transformative. Your first thought is simply, oh, yeah, this is delicious, and you realize that you have to take your time, have to savour it. As you enjoy it, you might close your eyes even, because it is delicious.

Oh, food. How I love you.

2. Finishing a good story

Whether it be a book, a movie, a TV series, or a video game, the last moment is always the greatest pleasure.

It’s a little bit sad, yes, because now, it’s all over. Those characters that you love are gone. Maybe they met a good end. Maybe a bad one. Either way, their struggle is over, and chances are, it all came to a fitting end. Because in order for this to be a pleasure, you must be left satisfied. You must be left happy to have had these fictional lives intersect, even briefly, with yours.

And in that moment, you are both peaceful and overwhelmed with emotion, clutching the book or DVD case or maybe a pillow close to you as your mind slowly comes back to you after spending so much time in this other world.

3. When your pets (or somebody else’s pets) are affectionate

There’s something particularly satisfying about being accepted by an animal, because animals are just so pure. There’s no fear of appearances with them. They don’t know to fake anything to protect you or your emotions – they just do what they feel they should.

So when an animal walks up to you and sits by your side, or crawls in your lap, or falls asleep with its chin rested on top of you, you realize in that moment what it feels like to be loved and accepted completely.

4. A big gulp of a nice, cold drink

This is especially nice on a hot day.

It’s always a surprise when it happens, too, because drinks aren’t always cold enough for this. For you to take a nice, big gulp and feel the cold liquid spread throughout your chest, leaving you feeling fresh and crisp and satisfied.

5. Weird weather (when it isn’t dangerous)

Storms can be absolutely terrifying when you have to walk or drive through them – regardless of the kind of storms. Wind, rain, snow – it doesn’t matter what kind. They’re all terrible.

But when they’re mild enough to not pose a risk, and when you don’t have to leave the house or watch anyone that you love leave the house, they’re also brilliant.

How fascinating is it to sit in the window and watch as flurries of white snow conceal everything from sight at a certain distance? How cars become little more than shapes that turn their glowing, yellow eyes upon you. And then the day after, if the storm was strong enough, you can walk around and take a look at the destruction it has caused (hoping, of course, that that destruction was caused only to trees and the like, not to homes and humans).

6. Changing something about your appearance (and really liking it)

Maybe your hair has needed cutting for a while now. Maybe you get a new tattoo, or you change out your wardrobe, or maybe you just try out a new make-up style. Either way, there is something very satisfying about changing your appearance.

It has the power to make you feel like an entirely new person. With it come silly little resolutions that you may never keep.

“I’m different now,” you think to yourself. “And this different person will be stronger, better, and more driven than ever.”

Or maybe it just makes you feel more confident. You leave the house with a bit of an extra bounce to your step that day, walking down the street with the knowledge that everyone is looking solely at you because you are fabulous.

It might just be a small, outer change, but it most certainly can come with a huge change internally.

7. That moment when you realize that you really like the company you’re in

Maybe you’re just sitting in the car after a long day of spending time with people. You’re talking, laughing, or listening to their stories, and it hits you in that moment: I really like these people.

You’re suddenly filled with affection for them. For the way they speak, the way they think. You’re glad that you’ve spent this time with them now. Because whether you mean it in a friendly way, a familiar way, or a more-than-friendly way, this person means something to you, and that’s awesome.

8. Finishing something you didn’t want to do (but had to)

Maybe it was an essay for your class. Maybe you had to attend some sort of dull or nerve-wracking event. Maybe you had to have a conversation with someone that you really didn’t want to have. Either way, that moment when you finally realize that it’s over brings such a relief. You did it, you can be proud that you did it, and now it’s finally time to move on.

9. Discovering that you have a shared experience with someone

Nobody likes being alone. And nobody likes feeling like they’re the only person who’s going through something. So when you discover that someone you know – even someone you don’t know particularly well – has experienced the same thing as you, it is sort of nice to be able to revel in that familiarity.

And maybe it isn’t necessarily a positive experience that you share. Maybe it isn’t something that you would have wanted them to experience. But just the same, you feel closer to them now that you know that you have something very deep and very personal in common, and even if you never speak to them again, you suddenly hold them closer in your heart forever.

10. When an old friend reaches out to you

Maybe it’s someone you knew in high school, or elementary school, even.

Maybe it’s someone you were really close to at some point, but you’ve since drifted apart.

And maybe they don’t reach so far out as to ask you to get coffee sometime – maybe they just post a little joke on Facebook and tag you on it, or send you a message asking what you’ve been up to.

Either way, it’s always nice to know that someone you used to know or care about still thinks about you from time to time.