Thirteen Reasons Why Review

As the entire internet has been talking about Thirteen Reasons Why, I found myself curious to watch it, despite my reservations based off the fact that I knew the book existed growing up and never really had an interest in reading it. I had always sort of figured that it would read like a teacher’s lecture about why bullying is bad and suicide is never the answer. And while I still haven’t read the book, so I can’t say if that’s the case for Jay Asher’s work, that is not what I found in the Netflix television show.

The television show discusses in close and sometimes graphic detail issues such as suicide, bullying, rape, depression, and women’s issues, and I have to admit, I really admire the show for the directions that it sometimes chose to take. I should say, right off the bat, that I really enjoyed this show and could not stop watching it – but more on that later. First, I’m going to list off the parts of the show that I really enjoyed, and the reasons why I would recommend it to others.

The show represents bullying in a very mature and realistic way. The kids who bully Hannah (for the most part) are not one-dimensional bullies who are completely irredeemable: they are either incredibly hurt people who are too busy dealing with their own problems to notice the pain they are simultaneously causing, or they are realistically dumb kids who just don’t think that this is something that can hurt someone. And the way that the show represented either end impressed me hugely: I liked that I cared about many of the bullies, but at the same time understood why they deserved the retaliation that they received. They were neither good nor evil people, they were just people. To a certain extent, even the show’s hero, Clay, is depicted as an imperfect person, as Clay contributes to some of the bullying that goes on at school, and it’s hard to say how much of the extent to which he blames the bullies for Hannah’s death is rational. And on the other spectrum, I enjoyed the way in which simple dumb kids were depicted. There are several scenes throughout the show where characters (particularly male characters) give Hannah very back-handed compliments and genuinely don’t understand when she gets offended, and this feels very realistic to me. This is something that people (women in particular) experience all the time is a society run on a limited definition of beauty, and it was nice to see this expressed in a very realistic way and to have it explained why, exactly, this isn’t okay.

And although the show has received some criticism about the fact that, while showing characters with symptoms of depression, mental illness is never explicitly discussed, I didn’t really mind the way it was portrayed. As someone who has suffered from depression in the past (and who has a tendency to go back to depressive thoughts from time to time), I found that the symptoms of depression were clear enough that I knew what they were trying to convey. And, more than that, it really reminded me of how it felt to have depression but to not realize that you do, and to not have your mental illness recognized by people around you – which, admittedly, mostly happened to me when I was a teenager. And the majority of the characters are teenagers. Teenagers who, repeatedly, have their emotions and issues belittled unintentionally by the adults around them, and the show does a very realistic job of portraying this as well.

These facts about the show has earned it a very special place in my heart, and when I was watching it, I found that I could not look away – both because I was so engrossed in what was watching and because, at some points, I just couldn’t look away. It was like stumbling upon a car crash – you just want to keep watching until you find out what the body count is and how gory they died. There are three scenes in particular that I found to be incredibly graphic – two rape scenes and a depiction of suicide. Thus far, I’ve been praising the show for how realistic their depictions have been, but these three scenes are where I wonder if a line needs to be drawn. Upon completing the show, I found myself feeling emotionally drained and very low, and these three scenes in particular are responsible for that. They are just so graphic, so intimate, and as much as I can see the benefit of that, I can also see the harm for a specific audience.

And more on that, the way that the show treated Hannah’s decision to kill herself was sometimes questionable. Clay, the show’s protagonist and the perspective through which we see most things, believes that Hannah was justifiably driven to suicide through the actions of those around her. They let her down, they are responsible – not her. We do see other perspectives from time to time, including a school councilor who assures Clay that Hannah’s suicide wasn’t his fault and a fellow student who claims that everyone deals with pain and that “suicide is for the weak,” but Clay’s perspective is the one that is given the most weight, and it’s a perspective that I don’t agree with. When someone kills themselves, it is natural to feel like you could have done something more to avoid that outcome, but it is not your fault. It is not your fault. It is not your fault. Everyone deals with pain, and everyone deals with it differently. If someone makes the choice to end their life, it is because they are dealing with overwhelming mental illness. And more than that, it is a choice that they made. It is not your fault. And the fact that they keep working under the assumption that Hannah’s suicide was the fault of anyone else but Hannah seems a little bit unfair. Yes, those who bullied and assaulted her should be held accountable, but her choice to take her own life is a separate action.

Despite my problems with the show, however, I have to say that I really loved it in the end. I loved how fleshed out and realistic the characters were, I love that they took on such important issues, and I loved that they were willing to take risks and be dark when they needed to be. I don’t know if I would recommend this show to everyone, just because of how dark and how graphic it is, but if you think that you can handle it, I would definitely say that it’s worth the watch.

Ode to the Broken

I am writing this for you.

For any person who’s ever looked into the future and saw a life that wasn’t worth living.

For anyone who looked at the society that they were raised in and thought that it was fucked up to such an extent that nobody would ever be able to fix it.

For all those out there who don’t feel like they have anyone who really, truly, honestly loves them, or even that they aren’t deserving of any future love they might receive.

I am speaking to you.

And if you’re looking for a sign not to kill yourself tonight, or an excuse to extend your life even by one more day, please accept this as it. If no one else will say these words to you tonight, then please, hear them from me. Please.

I want you to know that I love you. And I know how hollow that sounds, coming from a stranger on the internet, but I do. I love you so much, and all I want to do is spread my arms wide and take in every person who’s ever been hurt and I want to help you. I want to be your shoulder to cry on, or your solid ground to build yourself back up if that’s what you need.

I want you to know that you’re not alone, not even when you’re sitting in an empty room wondering what the point is, because all around the world, there are millions of people doing the same thing. Some of them will make it. Some of them will grow older and they’ll fall in love and they’ll discover new passions and they’ll travel and they’ll feel the sun on their face again. Some of them won’t. And I just want to make sure that you aren’t going to be one of the ones who won’t.

I want you to know that you are worthwhile. You are important. Even when you feel like you aren’t, you are. Because you are the only you that is ever going to exist. You are the only one who will ever fill your slot in the world. You are the only person built out of your personal traits, your personal abilities, likes, dislikes, thoughts, feelings, and nobody else will be quite like you. You are unique. You are an endangered species. And when I tell you not to kill yourself tonight, I’m not saying it because I feel bad for your loved ones. Though they will certainly miss you, they aren’t the only or even the most important reason for why you should stay. You should stay because you are important, and you won’t ever exist again.

And I want you to know that you should stay because you deserve to stay. Maybe things won’t get better, I don’t know and neither do you. But pain can be dealt with. Eventually, it might even become background noise, just a small, unpleasant side to your otherwise happy life. But in the meantime, you deserve to know what all you can do. You deserve to know how far you can go in that passion of yours. You deserve to know what changes are awaiting you in your future. You deserve to meet all those wonderful people you are going to meet, and to experience all those wonderful experiences that are awaiting you. It won’t all be happy, and some of it might even be scary, but I can promise you that someday, you will look back and be glad that you decided to keep living. Because it is worth it and it is what you deserve.

I don’t know what exactly you’re going through and I can’t pretend to, but I do know that you are loved, and you are uniquely beautiful, and you deserve to push forward and be happy. I want you to know that. So, please, don’t give up. For the sake of your friends and family, for my sake, but most importantly, for your own sake.