Two Paths: The Virgin or The Whore

The way that many people talk, it would seem as though all women reach a fork in the path at some point of their lives, one that forces them to choose between two options.

They can choose the path of sexuality, and this one comes with countless assumptions about who they are and what they are capable of. Women who express their sexuality are automatically connected with stupidity and frivolity. They are useless women, whores, really. They are the sort of woman that no one wants to be or be with. They are women who are defined solely by the fact that they express sexuality, because from the way that many people talk, they are incapable of thinking beyond their own vagina.

Or they can choose the second path: the path of intelligence and education. These are the sort of strong, modern women we should all strive to be. They are respectable, modest, sexual only for their long-term boyfriend or husband behind closed doors. They do not partake in one night stands, they do not explore their sexuality, and most people would not even guess that they feel any sexual desire.

These two women are represented as binary opposites: the good and the bad, the virgin and the whore. The problem with this, however, is that these binary opposites are trying to describe people, and people are not as simple as all of that.

The idea that women who explore their own sexuality are stupid, useless, and undesirable is an unfair generalization. It relies on the very old-fashioned idea that women should not be in charge of their own pleasure – which these women are. In fact, in some cases, these women are more liberated than the alternative. These are women who know what they want, who pursue what makes them feel good, and there’s nothing wrong with that, and neither does that make them stupid. It just makes them human.

And sometimes, the alternative, the ‘good’ woman who represses her sexuality, might be a woman who has internalized patriarchal ideas. She might think herself ‘better’ than her more sexually active counterpart directly because she isn’t ‘the whore’. She’s the good woman who caters to her man’s needs before her own.

But at the same time, this ‘fork in the road’ that people discuss just doesn’t exist. There are not two separate roads that a woman must choose between – there are more like multiple, meandering paths that sometimes intersect or branch off. Women are not ‘virgins’ and ‘whores’ – they are people, who find their comfort and pleasure in all sorts of things.

Some women are not comfortable with or liberated by sex, and that does not say anything about who she is as a person. It just means that she isn’t comfortable.

Some women are not comfortable with or liberated by sex, but they still enjoy flirting, or dressing in revealing clothing. And that, too, is perfectly fine.

Some women enjoy sleeping around while they’re single, but accept monogamy while they’re in a relationship.

Some women have multiple sexual partners even while they’re in a relationship.

Some women have a different relationship to sex depending on what is going on in their lives at the moment.

Women are not one thing or another. They are a massive group of people defined by countless ways of being. Some women feel more comfortable expressing their sexuality one way, some another, and both types should feel equally as free to express themselves without shame.

Because at the end of the day, it does not matter how many partners you have had or how you dress – none of that means anything about who you are. All that matters is that you are in charge of your own sexuality and that you feel comfortable living the way that you choose.

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